A Strong Memory

here's something i wrote in my journal a few weeks ago that i've been thinking over. it's, i suppose, a grotesque memory. i suppose i could have focused my essay on something like this but it didn't occur to me til just now.

blood on white wool.

Valentines day. Today was a strange day. Headed up the west fork, I came around the first bend to an interesting sight. A truck turned on it’s side, one child in a ditch and three standing on the road. Two older men helping. They waved me by yet I pulled up ahead of the accident and started my flashers.
I grabbed my jackets. Three freezing children standing alone one buried in blankets on his stomach, "keep still." children, that’s how I thought of them. They were … young. I’m only twenty.
First sight, the image of her, the girl’s, April’s, right hand pinky dripping slightly-darker-than-cherry blood. Blood is not cherry red. It’s slightly-darker-than-cherry. My old denim and wool jacket goes over her shoulders as she cries into the phone to the police dispatcher. Second sight, slightly-darker-than-cherry blood against white wool. Will need bleach. The boy is tall and I see dark-cherry running down behind his ear. Its there on the up and right side of his black haired head. The hair is slightly ruffled and dipped in dried blood. He is silent and too still but standing. Head injury? He is out of it and silent. My red out layer goes over his shoulders. "It’s not much but it’s heat. "
The girl, April, April Blackwell- I didn’t know her name till later, is crying "I don’t knows’ into the phone for her little brother(?, yes, littlest Brandon Blackwell) heading towards hysterical. My last gray under layer goes over the younger’s shoulder- he cant be twelve, Taylor Blackwell. She’s maybe fifteen, fourteen going on fifteen I later learned, and the boy not much older, 16, Dusty McKee. T
A bloody cell phone is shoved into my face. "Here, please!"
"Hello?
You were in the accident?
No, I just showed up on the scene.
All right, can I have your name?
Joan. Joan Goss.
How do you spell Goss
G-O-S-S
thank you, and the accident is by Connor?
Yes
Go by way of the connor store? The girl gave us the address there.
Yeah or you can just go straight up the West fork, we’re just past the fourth mile marker.
Really?
Yeah just go straight up the west fork towards the fourth mile marker and you’ll see a line up of trucks with their flashers on.
Tell me what’s happening. Can you smell smoke or gas?
No, no smoke or gas and I don’t see any heat rising. The truck is on it’s side in the ditch and the little boy is laying next to it. The three children are up on the road with me.
Is there anyone else there with you.
Yeah two other men.
And the accident was on the right side of the road
Yeah right side headed south.
It’s in the road?
No, the truck is in the ditch on the right side of the road headed south.
All right and the boy?
He’s there too. He’s on his chest facing up hill in the ditch.
On his chest (sounds worried)? Was he thrown from the truck
To the girl- was he tossed out the truck\
No he just kinda slipped out and the truck landed on him. He was halfway under the truck.
The boy- it wasn’t even really on me.
To the Dispatcher- apparently he slipped out and ended up under the truck
Do you have any emergency medical experience.
No I don’t
All right we can work with that just make sure he doesn’t move and keep an eye on his breathing can you do that.
Yeah I can definitely do that.
To the boy- you breathing ok?
Yeah just cold and my arm hurts.
(yeah I can bet)
He says he’s breathing fine we’re piling stuff on him to keep him warm.
Alright we’ve got people on the way so I’m going to leave you. You think you can handle this?
Yeah, I got it.
Uncertainly I stare at the phone finally closing it and handing it back. Keeping an eye on the boy, tucking the jackets back around the kids. Watching the old fellows and waiting. The girl calls family. She had calmed down clinging to the boy. Now she’s getting scared again. The twelve yr old’s fine, Taylor, the older boy worries me. Too damn still and silent.
EMT and truck. Younger dark haired fellow. Immediately check the ones with me with a glance and then the youngest. Dunno his name, Niles? , things move Darby ambulance arrives, the kids on the backboard and into the ambulance. Brandon. His name is Brandon. Taylor demands to go with, doesn‘t want Brandon alone. He does.
A woman has showed up (Karen? No, Mindy McKee) I know her, short brown-red-silver streaked hair, (where from?) she hugs me she knows me and wishes we had met at a better time. Her son, the oldest boy (I think, yes) doesn’t remember the crash. He did a few minutes ago, concerned. He caught the shoulder and hit the brakes. They flipped a few times. No seatbelts.
Not good, shock? Head injury. EMT, what month is it?
March…
The girl, April, goes hysterical. I hug her. Let her cry on me, she‘s short below my nose, dark brown hair, pretty even with the blood on her face and in tears. Gotta be Dusty’s girlfriend (she is). Say nothing. "he thinks its March, he doesn’t remember, oh my god!!" sobs. The woman goes following the boy kissing me on the cheek twice huggin me thanking me. A cousin shows up, Angel(?), Angela(?), for April. Grandmother is headed to the hospital. April’s in shock. EMT’s want her on a back board. She struggles weakly to get to cousin. Hysterical women… glad it’s not me.
The coat re-draped, new shoulders. "Talk to her, keep talking to her."
They leave. Awkward silence. What do I do now? They keep asking if I was in the accident. I am not hurt; no, I wasn’t; no, I’m not family…
I leave. My hands are numb but I’m still calm(always calm, always calm, "about as emotional as a doorknob," flat smile, you don‘t know how right you are Rodger Brown.) Wish I could have helped more. Call mom and dad. I’m gonna be late, love you. My hands are numb all the way home.
Ah, 10:00pm that night. Called Niles, Kent Niles, first EMT on the scene, young dark haired fellow, he knows who. Wolf lane family, McKee’s… ah got it. Mindy McKee. Kid’s are gonna be fine. Dusty knot on his head, Taylor fine, April cuts and bruises, Brandon a broken pelvis but fine. Good.
Apparently, people have been thanking me or trying to. Not sure why, didn’t do much. Just stood there and hugged people, kept my head. Apparently was "good" or "did good" and "stayed calm". or something like that. Mr. McKee says "Thank you." Huh. Well, you’re welcome.